Double Graduations!

This blog started off when we moved to Hong Kong at the suggestion of my friend Michele. A way to chronicle our family’s adventures, recording them with new digital technology. Previous stints overseas of mine and Michele’s were lost to memory in the 1980s and 1990s. I’ve loved writing things down over the years. I remember writing blog posts late at night in Hong Kong, trying to get it all down before the next adventure started in the morning. And it stayed like that, though of course the kids started doing more with friends and less with us, until the pandemic. We had adventures over COVID but perhaps harder to write about, scarier, more homebound, without end dates. I also started writing essays rather than posts and may put some of those up here. But still the desire to write about the big things pulls at me. And we definitely had big things happen this past year.

In June, the twins graduated from high school! After a year and half of mostly at home school, it was a real treat to go to an in-person graduation and celebrate with the twins and their friends. The graduation itself was in town at the football field, as opposed to out of town at an ice skating rink for Tori’s a few years earlier. I loved the hometown feel of it, exactly like my own graduation at a football field. We sat in the sun, with Grandma and Uncle Mark and his family, and cheered. We took pictures of Adam and his friends, heady with excitement and sneaking cigars. We took pictures of Royce and her friends, radiant and covered in brightly colored cords signifying their many honor societies.

Summer past in a blur. Kids were here, there and everywhere. Tori worked remotely, first with us and then from her new apartment in Chicago. Royce worked full time at the pool, her beloved summer job. Adam did not work at job but kept busy attending graduation parties all summer long, eating from food trucks and meeting people and coming home way too late. Royce went to Chicago to visit Tori and Adam went to California to visit Grandma. Then both returned for mid-August college departures.

We drove Adam to school first. A long drive made worse by massive traffic. Adam and I walked around the downtown, both carsick. Adam threw up and we went to Walmart to buy supplies. He slept in the car while I bought laundry detergent and plastic bins and a desk lamp. (All this so much easier with a car and big box shopping than with Tori- no car, no stores nearby). We got Adam into his dorm. The move-in quiet and subdued, the kids spaced out with certain time slots due to COVID. He needed thumbtacks. We left to drive to Walmart. We returned in 15 minutes and he was gone, playing basketball with some boys. What boys? We did not even see any boys but Adam found them.

Royce was next, with a long drive in the opposite direction. At this point, we felt like we were professionals at college move-in. We took her out for a nice dinner the night before. Got her to the move-in at the right time. Knew how to manuever the college dorm bed, the same thing in all three of our kid’s colleges. (Hint: you need a sledge to pound it). We lingered in town for a day in case we were needed. I hand the sentimental letter and Phil hands over the cash. And we drive away. (Hint: don’t turn around and look back. Thanks to Lisa for this one!) It sounds easier than it is.

Other things happened, some of which we heard about in phone calls and some of which we saw when we visited for Parent Weekends. (Three back to back Parent Weekends- hectic but fun). The twins figured it out. Both had somewhat challenging dorm situations that they sorted. Both found community. Adam through the frat. Royce through the crew team. Both seem happy and confident. Not sure we’ve figured out the school part of it all but hey, its only the first semester!

May Birthdays!

The twins recently celebrated birthdays. Shockingly, their 18^th! It is almost unbelievable to think that those babies are now adults. Except of course for the fact that they tower over us (Adam over both of us, Royce over me!). While we were feeling nostalgic about it all, Royce put it in perspective. She said that there were now two more voters would could vote for Dad, who is on the ballot again in June. Adam nodded along but then sent me a text later – much later- that night, when I reminded him of his curfew. He said something like- yes, I will come home but aren’t I an adult now? I was not amused.

Once again, a covid like birthday was a manageable birthday for us. May is always crazy but covid kept it less so. We just had tacos in the backyard. Each kid had a friend or two over. They ate cake and played badminton. The girls deviated to cornhole when the boys got too competitive at badminton but overall good times were had by all.

All this is such a far cry from birthdays of old. When each kid had half the class over for the parties. We remember fondly the twins’ 9^th birthday parties, which included a boy Percy Jackson party in the morning- a mid-day lunch birthday party for me- and then a girl Percy Jackson party in the afternoon, with Tori’s tennis lesson thrown in the middle.

Actually, the most noticeable birthday change was the lack of Tori. Last year she was home but this year she was at college. She called and Facetimed multiple times but it wasn’t the same. (She also sent birthday cards and gave each twin cash, which so reminded me of pulling whatever bills were in my wallet and sending to my own brothers on their birthdays. Definitely heartfelt and all that was possible!) We all missed Tori immensely which led us to thinking about next year’s birthdays…

Royce voiced the idea that the twins might celebrate their birthdays separately next year. This took us all back a step. After several minutes of contemplation, Adam mentioned that many kids are home from college by the end of May. Tori isn’t because her school is on the quarter system but semester schools are home. We all sighed heavily and pushed the thoughts of separate May celebrations down the road. To be continued though hopefully not!

Twenty!

Tori celebrated her birthday early this year and I am writing this birthday post late. So it goes. I think there is a message there somewhere. Kids have to keep growing up even though it seems to me that everything has ground to a stop during the pandemic. Birthdays continue, kids learn new things, try new things and keep on that forward march through the years. And now we are past the teen years, at least with our eldest!

Since Tori was going to be back in Chicago for her birthday in mid-January this year, we decided to celebrate earlier. On January 6^th. We did the usual birthday traditions around here. A “surprise” birthday balloon garland, strawberry shortcakes for breakfast, the red celebration dishes and more. Tori went along with all of it. Gamely saying she was excited for her “birthday.”

It was time to re-new her passport. Previously, it had to be done every five years but now the passport can last for ten years. We have renewed her passport all over the world, starting with the crazy story of getting her passport in California at her birth, to getting them for her in Romania and Munich and New Jersey. At all of these administrative events, I went along with her. I called ahead, asking questions about COVID. Would I be allowed in? The passport woman said no, only one person since she was over 18! I was thinking COVID and again, the world is thinking – let the kid grow up!

Clearly, the events at the Capitol on January 6 took over that afternoon and evening. The whole thing reminded me of watching clashes in our years overseas between the public and authoritarian governments. Except now the roles were reversed, or sideways or just plain wrong. We sat and watched in stunned silence.

But we rallied. It was Tori’s birthday after all. We had a dinner she wanted (chicken and rice) and cake she wanted (chocolate) and we opened presents. We talked about past birthdays and all the big crazy themed birthday parties we have had over the years. This one wasn’t big. Just us and Tori’s boyfriend. And the only thing crazy was the pandemic and the politics. But we were happy and most important, Tori was happy. She continues to grow up, no matter how many obstacles the world (or her parents) put up. Every year she amazes us with who she becomes and what she does and how well she does it all. I’m really rallying. Tori will be great at twenty and I will try to be okay at it too.

Appalachian Trail

A welcome get-away for us during the pandemic has been the Appalachian Trail, about a one hour drive north from our home. Phil found it while hiking with Adam’s boy scout troop and then went back a few times with Royce. Phil and Royce were actually camping at one of the Appalachian Trail’s shelters in mid-March when everything shut down, including the parking lot where they had parked our car. Since March, we have gone back dozens of times, hiking in both directions and at different starting points.

The kids rarely come with us but they sometimes do. The girls have a couple times. We had a neighbor who came regularly and was the perfect trail companion. Not only was he a good adventurous hiker but he got himself to the trailhead without us hectoring him, like we have to do with the kids.  But he has since returned home to London so we are mostly just with the dog. The dog is always game for a long walk in the woods. She has been a faithful companion this whole year. We have finally bought her collapsible food and water bowls. We used to just pour water for her into rock crevices but have now upped our game.

We run into others on the trail, and pull up our masks accordingly. Once we saw a bear, but mostly we just run into impressive individuals. All sorts of people are through hiking from Georgia to Maine, or the other way. We met a single woman in April who had been on the trail since March. We didn’t know if she knew about covid but she did and thought a multiple month hike would be a good way to spend lockdown. We agreed (but were happy with our day hikes). We met couples who had hiked all sections of AT in NY and were now expanding to NJ. We met others who were doing 2-3 days hikes, expanding their range. Everyone left us inspired.

We have started exploring the AT in New Jersey a bit but often hike the same route over and over again. The view changes quite a bit throughout the seasons. Green and forested in the summer, with the lake just visible in the distance. Then one of the more glorious hikes in the fall with the trees turning colors, hawks diving through the air in front of us.

A memorable hike was on Thanksgiving Day. Two girls and one dog came with us. We were sad to see the café on the trail (where it crosses over a major road) was closed down, for rent signs up in the window. We never made it to that café, though we heard the sandwiches were legendary. The café was mostly for overnighters on the AT, not day hikers like us. We had to hussle up the trail and then return the same way to possibly get a sandwich. We never did. But coming home to a turkey in the oven and everything else prepped was good too. We were thankful then and now that we keep on surviving and hope everyone else can too.

 

The Last First Day of School!

The twins started their senior year of high school! Despite all the restrictions in place for COVID, it still felt like a first day of school. The day itself was pushed back to early September. Our school district was trying to start before Labor Day but it didn’t happen this year. Anyway, the kids got up early for the first time in months. We had our usual back to school breakfast. They reluctantly posed for photos and looked at their schultutes (traditional German gifts of school supplies). Then the usual routine changed. They walked out the door and over to Royce’s new car. She drove the two of them to school for the first time ever. Phil, the school run driver for the past five years, watched with me as they drove away.

Then, the very next day, the high school closed down due to covid cases! Our seniors, under the current plan, were only going to school every other day for a shortened day but they were very happy to do so. But then that option was off. They then went completely virtual for two weeks. All sports stopped. All community activities stopped and it felt like we were moving backwards in slow motion.

But the high school re-opened! And my twins are back at a semi- normal approximation of things. They go to school a couple times a week, come home for lunch, do homework for a few hours, then head out again for sports. We are thankful to have the buzz of kid activities, even if it is a reduced buzz to past years.

Tori also went back to college in September. I went with her and was heartened to see the usual college move-in scene, teary parents, happy teens, everyone buying college gear at the bookstore. Just with masks. The quad at Tori’s school is gorgeous and as we walked through it definitely looked like college. Kids putting up hammocks, a dog, a few frisbees, a few open pizza boxes. Again, just with masks. It looked like it would be okay to me and it seems like it is. We have not heard much from our college student but our interpretation of the cryptic text messages we receive is that is okay. Not great, like last year but okay. Maybe even bordering on good.

Back at home, senior year marches on. The kids’ sports had their traditional senior days, with the seniors getting posters, roses and more photos. In years past, the whole team is present but this year’s senior day was just the seniors and their families. And it was fine. Like many things during COVID, I’m finding the events and experiences are stripped down to their essence and maybe that is okay. There is not much more to say at Senior Football Day and Senior Cross-Country Day except you did the sport for four years and had fun. The quicker simple ceremony is less likely to make me cry. But the marching band started to play and I started to cry anyway. It is just going to be one of those years, I think.

Quarantine Birthdays

Well, the twins’ birthdays were during quarantine this year. This was particularly painful as they turned 17, the age kids in New Jersey get their driving licenses. The way it works here, a driving company makes the appointment for the morning of your birthday and then drives you there for the test. We know of twins who both go and then only one passes the test. This was a worry at our house. We did not think to worry that the DMV would close and that our driving company would fold. The twins are bereft and I pretend to be but I am not. Less driving, less risk. The world is risky enough these days.

Despite all of the above, we had a nice day celebrating the twins. We stuck to some of our usual traditions; balloons in your bedroom and strawberry shortcake for breakfast. To acknowledge the whole almost driving thing, we drove in two cars (so twins could practice driving) out to a state park. Close enough not to have to go on major highways but far enough to be an actual drive! We had a picnic there, a short walk and ice cream on the trip home.

Back at home, we all did tie-dye on the back porch. We had their favorite dinner and each had a cake. The final surprise was corona pinatas made at home to look like the virus. We hung them up from the basketball hoop and the kids took turns swinging for them. Both kids had a friend drive over and hang out in the front yard with them. To make it a little more exciting, Adam let off of fireworks in the driveway. Then we got worried about drawing attention to the fact that we had non-family members in our driveway and called it a day. Or a birthday.

In actuality though it was a nice birthday. It was relaxed. No big party to pull together. No worries about who was coming and who wasn’t coming. It really felt like a long full fun day. In the evening, someone said the day was so nice because we had all day together- no school, no work, no sports, no activities. After a couple months of family time, it says something that more family time is good. Or maybe it was the two cakes.

Covid times

We are just back from a hike on the Appalachian Trail. Parks are open in New Jersey and it was a lovely day. Despite a full parking lot, we hardly saw any people on the trail. We did however see a big black bear. After worrying about the hikers who were not wearing masks, it was almost a relief to worry about something big and menacing. The bear ran away from us but we decided right then to turn around. As good as spot as any!

After being on lockdown for so long, it was definitely nice to get out of town. While I walk the dog all the time on an access road that skirts the Great Swamp National Wildlife Refuge, seeing different terrain was well worth the drive. Phil and Royce were actually on this same trail in March, camping out, when the NJ State Parks closed. A triumphant return in warmer weather and without breaking the law!

In some ways, time has inched by since this all began and in other times, it has flown. We started all this with a frantic rush to bring home our daughter from college. And then her quarantine within our home. And getting everyone set up on their computers in different parts of the house after spring breaks on different weeks were over. Phil is in the basement, me and the dog in the office, and the kids spread out all over (though Adam usually sleeps until past noon which helps with crowd control). These days we just work, sanitize and try not to worry too much about what is coming next.

While I am very sad for all that kids, ours and everyone’s, are missing, this time has not been so hard for me. I like cooking for a full house. I like walking the dog multiple times per day. I like playing board games and cards with kids. We are lucky to be under one roof, healthy and fine. Tori was likely not going to come home for summer with an internship in a different state but now she is home. It was so hard to send her off to college the first time, worrying about cold weather and crime. I am already starting to think about the next time she leaves and how much harder it will be. Well, no black bears at college, at least!